Why I have been a crappy blogger.

I don't have a 401K!!!

There is a certain time of year when I am more freaked out than usual.  Every since I got fired from my corporate job for calling my boss a liar (accurately), I’ve been trying to build my pencil portrait business.  It isn't always a cake walk convincing people to remember me, find some photos, part with their cash, etc. etc.   Especially in late winter/early spring when the holidays are over and no Mother’s Day flowers are blooming yet, I have been a complete basket case.  As my pencil portrait projects dwindle, I throw myself into dramatic poses and cry, “I need a real job!” 
 

But I don’t want a real job.

I am not built for stress of any kind.  If you know me personally, you know I don’t have any coping skills.  Crying at work is embarrassing.  Plus I love to sleep in and stay up late.  In addition, I enjoy wine and cheez-its to a degree that interferes with my ability to concentrate on spreadsheets or wear real pants with zippers.

My mother has been the lucky soul who gets to hear me whining regularly about a real job.  My mom hangs out with me while I draw, so where would this new job situation leave her and our movie watching requirements?  This was a concern.

My mom wasn't the only one I assaulted with my nonstop complaining.   At my father's retirement party, a good friend from my real job days tried to shut me up by asking if I wanted to test his company's software from home.  I jumped at the chance to fill in my slow times with something else to do other than weeping.  I wasn’t sure what testing software meant, and it turned out to be exponentially more complicated than I expected.  Because I’m so visual and picky, I enjoy criticizing the hard work of others more than I should.  Just ask my poor kids about my “helpful” suggestions about their handwriting. 

Software testing was also more time consuming than I anticipated.  Consequently, I have now built up quite a backlog of portrait orders… similar to the kind of work pile I accumulate at Christmas!  I have lots of work to do for the side job, lots of work to do for my clients.  I can’t even tell you what a blessed relief it is not to lay in my bed at night and worry about bringing in enough cash to keep my gigantic sons fed and college bound.  Sandwiches and college cost money.

I have to get two grocery carts at Mariano's.

 

Things have actually improved enough financially that my husband Joe and I purchased a cargo van to hold all my art crap.  Most art shows begin with the sweaty, annoying job of cramming bins and tents and bags and whatnot into our Durango until there is absolutely no rear window visibility and I am the only human that can fit into it unless we strap some crap to the roof.  When Joe helps me with this chore, he usually smacks his freakishly tall head into the garage door or pinches his fingers and makes me feel all guilty with his cries of pain and swearing.  Sympathetically, I usually decide to get huffy and irritated and behave like I am a put-upon victim of hard labor. Joe kept insisting that we purchase a trailer so we wouldn’t have to load and unload everything each time.  I was afraid of driving with a trailer, as I envisioned playing crack the whip.  Remember that game when you’d run around in zig-zags holding hands and the kid at the end of the line/whip would get flung into a wall or hurled into a bush?  Backing up with a trailer is unpredictable.  No thank you on the trailer.

A van was not only the solution to the art storage/schlep issue, it also solved the three drivers / two vehicles problem.  My older son, King Joey, usually gets what he wants because he is adorable.  Since he got his license, I have no car ever.  I’d walk out the door to go to a doctor’s appointment or to take Max somewhere and there would be no car in the driveway.  You’d think I’d remember that I have no car.  You’d think I’d remember lots of things. 

I HIGHLY recommend that you visit John the Van Man http://www.hptruckauto.com/ if you have any van needs.  We were blown away by the way we were treated. 

Here’s my rockin' new art love van!

TA-DAAAAA!!!!

My friend Pat O’Malley suggested that I decorate it and apparently spent quite a bit of time Photoshopping my photo onto it like it was a ReMax van.  Very funny.  Almost as funny as how much time I just spent going back through Facebook trying to find it.  I have no idea where he found that photo of me, it doesn't even look familiar.  That's almost my actual phone number, too.

 

Then he must have thought more about it and had even more Photoshop time on his hands, because he came up with this:

Even more fabulous TA-DAAAAA!!!  And much less predator-like.

COME ON.  That is amazing!  I have several reactions to this suggestion.  First of all, why in the hell didn’t I think of that?  I have a degree in advertising for cripes sake.   Secondly, that is quite a bit of Photoshop work on Pat’s part.   He had to go sniffing around my portraits on my website and cut and paste them onto my  van photo.  He even has my SIGNATURE on my van door.  I am very excited about this idea and will probably talk about it and think about it for quite some time before I do anything about it because I’m more about talk than I am about action, unfortunately.

Okay, now you are up to date on why I haven’t been writing this blog.  I have NO BUSINESS writing in it right now.  But I miss writing it and I hope someone has missed reading it.   I have a great portrait story I have been dying to tell you, but I felt like I had to explain my blog famine first. 

I’m really going to get some work done now.  Or maybe look at Facebook for an hour or three.